Having a child can literally change the way one feels about themselves, others and the world around them within little to no time. One day you are only responsible for yourself and have little worries other than working, watching TV, hanging with friends and family and quite simply just enjoying your day to day life. Then your days are changed to dirty diapers, the sound of crying and lots of baby cuddles.
I knew when I found out I was pregnant I would love the little human inside of me to no end. I would always visualize what my baby would look like, who he would resemble, how he would act and just about everything in between. However when I met my little boy for that first time it was better than I could have ever imagined. One very distinct thing I clearly remember was when the nurse brought Grayson over to me as I was laying on the table in the OR room for me to see for the first time. I was very shaky due to the medicine and she brought his face up next time mine. She told me I could touch him and kiss him. So she grabbed my hand and laid it on him and I kissed his cheeks. They were so incredibly soft and I thought in that moment that I could sit and rub his cheeks with my finger and give him kisses all evening. (Insert me crying right now, cause I am.) It’s like when I heard his cry for the first time I began crying. It’s something you have waited for your entire life and finally after nine long months that little thing you waited for is within arms reach.
You do not realize before a baby is born just how much you will love them. Yes, we know you will love your child, but when you see and hold them for the first time it’s like a completely different love that fills your heart. It is a feeling that really can not be explained until you have been in that position. Before my son was born many people would tell me, take in every moment because the years fly by and before you know it they will be grown up. I truly understand now. I am not joking when I say that I want to cry everyday. I see Grayson changing in size, looks and expressions and it makes me sad knowing he’s growing up. I want my little boy to stay little forever! I am the mom that takes too many pictures, will cheer too loud at sporting events, will try to make the cutest snacks to take to preschool and be there to love my child everyday of their life.
Over the past few months I have tried to find the words to explain my love for Grayson and truthfully there is no words. It’s like I want to cry about something that is not even here yet, him growing up. Having a baby has completely changed my outlook on life. My actions and decisions now revolve around something that can not yet walk or talk, yet this person makes me giddy on the inside and has shown me what love truly feels like. No matter where life takes us, I always know I am living for someone and that someone needs me. I tell Grayson everyday I love him like a hundred times and give him more kisses than he probably likes, wait he does not even know what a kiss is yet; so I’ll keep on giving them.
See, how easy it is to love something so little? I just hope Grayson knows much I love him and that he knows I will always be his number one supporter through life.