To my son on his first heavenly birthday,

My sweet Grayson. Today you are three!

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. Every little detail to a T. I remember how nervous and anxious I was to meet you and to become a mom for the very first time. I wanted to be the best mom. Before you were even born I worried so much about the things you would do in life. I was nervous for your first day of kindergarten or how you would do in your first ball game. I was nervous for the day you would bring your first girlfriend over, because we all know mom’s are the first and only ladies in your life. I worried so much about protecting your from all the hate and unhappiness in the world. Know that the day you were born will forever hold a special place in my heart

I can only imagine how crazy and fun life would be with you today. I always said I could never live without you, but sadly I am. I prayed every night before I closed my eyes for your happiness, health and safety. I’m not sure where it all went wrong.

I have been crying for weeks knowing this day would come, I’ve been anxiously wondering how I would feel once this day arrived and just as I expected I can’t even get through the second paragraph of typing this letter due to the rush of tears that have fogged my eyes.

As the months go by hearing your name becomes harder, for I know the days will continue on and you’re not coming back to me.

Just after your second birthday I had already began a new Pinterest board for your 3rd birthday ideas. I always tried to stay ahead of the game. I had already envisioned a circus/carnival theme party, which would take place outside at our new home. I had pictured you giggling and smiling enjoying the homemade games mommy and daddy would have had set up in the yard for you and your friends to play.

I never once in my life thought your 3rd birthday would be completely different than I had envisioned because never once did I not believe you wouldn’t be here.

I can only imagine how much taller you’d be, how much more sophisticated your vocabulary would be, how much higher you could count, and I know by now your ABCs would be flawless.

I know you and your sister would be the best of friends and you would be teaching her all your tricks to life. I am stating to see many of the same qualities in you both.

I know this is not the life we had planned for you, and know that if I could change the world I would. I will never stop being your voice, I will never let your memory, your beautiful blue eyes, your onery little grin, and your sweet loving personality ever be forgotten.

You are one of the two best things that has ever happened to me.

I know your up there singing happy birthday to yourself just as you did last year. You loved singing happy birthday and at just 2 did a phenomenal job. I’ll be singing it down here on Earth just for you.

I know July 29th will never get easier, but this day will always be your day, Grayson.

I love you forever and always,
Mommy

Grayson Scott Dunham
July 29,2014
6:24pm
8.1 oz.
20.25 in long

*There are video clips in this video, be prepared with a box of tissues.*